so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
