from now on my penis is your penis
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
