we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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