she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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