I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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