Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
