Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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