so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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