i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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