You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
