if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
honey bunches of taint.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
