He kissed a someone with a penis
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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