I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
