i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
