I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize