i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
