Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
