I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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