you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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