I'm drive I can fine osifer
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
