According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
