just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize