Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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