apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
