also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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