I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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