Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
