his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
