someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Someone signed my nipple.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
