i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize