No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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