Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So many bounce houses so little time
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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