I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
