Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
