Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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