Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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