FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
