I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
