three words: i give head
three words: not that well
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
