Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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