i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
