Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
