...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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