You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
