I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
