I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
