omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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