I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
