she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
