I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
