Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
