I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
