I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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