Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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