you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
