I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
