I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
