FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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