I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
